thunderpopcola:

The Pursuit of Goodness ☞ (which leads to) Happiness

For the past few days, I have been struggling with the idea of goodness. There are many things which we are able to show, see and feel but once we are asked to concretize and define them, we suddenly are at a loss of words and ideas. 

Goodness was and is something that I try best to consume myself with. There was a point in time wherein I could no longer distinguish which was a healthy form or goodness and one which just led to self-destruction. In the series of events that has happened to me the past week, I found my goodness to be the cause of my misery. It was my “selflessness” that supposedly would make other people happy become the cause of my self-doubting and the cause of, what seemed rational a few days ago, the deterioration of my faith. It is not my faith in the Lord which deteriorated but my faith in people and in myself. But of course, He works in wondrous ways we fail to understand at first but through time and through healing, we do. 

A stranger once asked me, “What is the purpose of education?” My first answer was, enlightenment. I still believe that to be true right at this very moment. There are so many beautiful things in the world—concepts, ideas, thoughts— that is out there which we have yet to discover. People’s arrogance and their laziness (I myself am guilty of this) cause us to be satisfied with what we know and are used to when truth of the matter is, we know nothing. We cannot know everything but we can know something, and that is better than knowing nothing. 

For days, I have been studying for my Philosophy oral exams and there is so much I have learned and realized which I could have learned sooner only if I prioritized. I am overflowing with so much “knowledge” and I’d like to share them to you. Even if you don’t believe in God, I know this will (I hope it will) make sense because we are all humans and we strive to be good and happy. I’m saying all these from a very Christian point of view so if you don’t agree with it, feel free to move on. If you think this is blasphemy, it is fine with me because this is how I understand it and I don’t mean to offend anyone, I only wish to give hope. 

There is a light that never goes out.

My sister gave me a postcard the other day with those words. I understood it but not to the point that I could break it up into pieces and lay it out. At this moment, I (think) finally can. 

Every person desires to be good. It is so difficult especially when you feel as if your deeds are not appreciated the way you would want them to be nor are they returned in ways you thought or you wanted them to be given back to you. Sometimes, even if your intentions are good, they turn out to be the complete opposite for others. Now I realize even if this is the case, we should not stop being good. I am not telling you I haven’t done a single bad thing in my life. I have done a lot but I ask for forgiveness and I try my best to make up for my mistakes. Trust me, goodness always wins. Goodness always triumphs. It always prevails. 

Why do I want to be good? I want to be good, amidst all evil things that lurk around me, all the temptations because I know it is right. It makes me happy knowing that I have made someone’s day, I have given someone something to believe in, I have given someone something to have faith in. Because I want to be a blessing in others’ life, for Him and by Him. Even if you don’t believe in this Him which I refer to, I know it makes sense because we all have our purpose in this world and we all have this basic human desire to do and be good. 

I, we, in reality can never even be as close to the goodness of that Man up there. You can never really get there-the place where we all desire to be—that place where we are on the same level. But we try anyway, to keep looking for that light. We keep running towards that light knowing that we will always be surrounded with darkness until we get closer and closer, to be as close to Him as possible. It is blurry. It will never really make sense because it is too sublime for humans to understand fully but, we try anyway. The fact that you try, the fact that we try to be good even if it hurts us, that means everything.

I’m not sure if that made sense. I am so consumed with this latent knowledge inside me that words don’t seem enough to make sense of things. All I want to say is, even if it is difficult, even if it hurts you, keep looking for that light amidst the darkness.

There will always be a light that never goes out.